Nothin Can Compare

So a lot has happened since I last posted. My love returned home. It was an incredible reunion. It does seem like it never happened....yet our hearts can def tell that it has. Sometimes I find myself watching him and thinking, "Really? Two years has seriously gone by...I REALLY have him back now? For good? We can finally move on now?" We took things nice and easy, attended the temple together, and both knew that we couldn't live without the other. Life just isn't as enjoyable. I'm a total pansie...I know. But really, days are so much more colorful when they are spent with him. I admit though, that I hope that my children have no close relationships before their missions. TOO HARD! :) So Bailey popped the question exactly a month after we had been reunited. I had no idea it was coming. He practically begged me to go to Idaho Falls with him and I was completely lost bc I didn't understand why he would want me to go and watch him work. Well little did I know that many people were involved in this whole scheme and I was just clueless. The night we stayed he told me that he wouldn't be able to propose for a few weeks which also threw me even farther of the idea he was going to ask. February 8th he insisted on taking me to a special spot in Rexburg. I was trying to get him to change his mind due to shortage of time and bc Rexburg is freezing haha. Well we did go and he for some reason got all cleaned up, lookin nice and spiffy....huh. Then....he drove REALLY fast...once again....huh. We got to our special river and he took me out in middle and gave me a hug. In middle of the nice hug he said my name REAL serious....like, I've never heard him say my name so serious. When I looked up at him he started reaching into his pocket....my belly started to twirl as my mind raced, "No way....he isn't.....oh yes he is...." He then popped the question and had a beautiful ring. I gladly said yes and we ran back to the warm car! :) He picked out the perfect ring, I love it and it's just what I wanted. It's fun when you both like the exact same things. I'm very excited to start our life together. It's rather a stressful and scary process...but yet not at the same time. I can't wait. Marriage is a....scary thing. Even after my mission I found myself shying away from the thought for a while. I don't want things to ever get...OLD. I want to stay gitty and young forever. I don't want to get "use" to each other. I just don't want to ever loose the incredible feelings that young love has. Bc of my feelings after my mission I've been able to actually learn a lot. There are ways to keep things new and fresh :) And...marriage isn't 50/50....it's 100/100. Yes there will be rough times, and we will have misunderstandings, but as long as we are both committed to each other, focusing on the other and their needs, focusing on their qualities and strengths, together we can make marriage a beauiful fun thing. Together we will experience new things and fall in love with them over and over again as we continue to get to know each other. Something that I've learned about Bailey in just the past few days is that he really pays attention to the small things and he continues to learn about me every day. Like randomly the other night I said that I was craving that grape gum that is like a foot long. While I was distracted by our FHE Wii bowling tournament he quickly raced in my car to the resort to get me some gum. They didn't have any, but he did it. Then he remembered that there was this mexican bakery that I had mentioned I wanted to go in sometime. For Love Day he got desert from there. So thoughtful. I'm learning a lot. Oh and save the date....May 6th :) So that is the great news. But...I can def say that being a RM isn't really all that great. Actually....it really....SUCKS. It's been really hard....and I mean hard. I got home to find that it's a lot harder to have the spirit 24/7 at home than it is on my mission. I have to actually work for it. I have applied to a dozen jobs and heard nothing. So I sit at home and try to do little projects and find people to serve. I really try to implement Sister Phillips to RM Lynette Phillips. Satan works on me a lot....just like any RM, with feelings of crap like worthlessness and idleness and such. But I'm hangin on to hope. I'm sure that once I get a nice steady job and am making money that things will def look up. Hopefully it will help with my trunkyness.... Ya. Trunkyness. I miss New York like CRAZY. I want to go back so bad. My dream was to go back and live there for a season. Just the summer. To go back and dance and experience. I know that it woudn't be the same....that it may even be really hard to return. Even the thought of returning to some of my areas is kinda.....scary when I realize I won't have my "calling" or name badge with the name of my Savior on my chest. But my heart cries for the spirit their. The spirit of the many people gathered there. The spirit of gathering is such a beautiful one. I constantly crave it. I miss having the opportunity to teach and share my testimony daily. I miss meeting new people everyday. I miss feeling like I changed a life or serving on numerous different occasions, daily. I miss my New York family. The last baptism I was apart of, Maria, actually offered us to stay with her during the summer. She has a beautiful 8 bedroom house on the ocean and she's the only one that lives there other than the part that she rents out. Oh how I would love to go and live the experience, just for a summer. It's actually a very hard situation....my heart cried but I quiet it. Do I listen? Bailey isn't in favor of going. It's honestly quite the leap. I can understand. But I'm trying really hard to understand and figure out what is best. Life has so much to offer. I do hope that I am taking advantage of it all. I want to live big. I want to experience lots. I want to get out of Idaho and Utah and live. But...perhaps that is bad of me. Maybe this is when a dream must stay a dream. Well now that I've bore you to death with my newest adventures I'll let you go. For now....